I had a handful of time for myself and by myself for a little while. When this time was handed to me, I was like yeah!! More me and God time! I was going to so draw closer to God, I was so getting a lot more intimate with Him.
Lord! His presence is amazing and I particularly think anyone who has had a taste should not or would not want to let go.
I was all geared up for this alone time with the love of my life. Planning my vacation with Him in La la la land. I had such amazing plans in my head. Only if I actually did spend half as much of the time I allocated for our vacation in my head…only if I had.
Like the scripture says…my spirit really was willing but this flesh of mine would not just budge . My flesh is the jealous girlfriend trying to break me and my love up. Trying so hard to see if it could get me to sign this divorce paper with my God.
But my God o ni fu se lóruko Jesu (would not allow it in Jesus name). Like a wife determined to keep her husband, I keep whispering to Him I love you lord, I really do love you. Please help me not to wander off from your presence.
I keep telling Him this every single minute my heart skips a bit and I feel like I am not putting in enough effort to be with Him. I need to remind Him that I actually do love Him and His love, companionship and presence is something I value a lot, something I never want to lose.
I whisper, say it, pray it, talk it, I just say it as it pops up because I know when I draw near to Him, He will draw nearer to me.
It is so ironic how when I was choked without time, I was always on my toes to be in close touch with God. Pressure and commitment does me a lot good than harm I must say.
Because I am committed to keep my promise to Him, I still read His love letters to me; I read 4 chapters or more of His love letters to me daily.
Although I do not read with rapt attention as I would love to, His words do not sink into my skin as they used to but still I read them.
Pressure really is good for me; because reading His letters will do me a lot of good. I may not see it now or feel it now but seeds are being planted, beautiful seeds. They will grow into a beautiful garden.
I let the kind of music He likes play in the background, it puts me in the right kind of frame.
I trust my love,Jesus to save me from destroying myself, from destroying our relationship.