You are present and I am right here
Now you see me
And always you do
What do I want?
No, how do I know for sure what i truly want
But because you are here I am not a hundred on grief

I know grief but I don’t know all of it
My heart, please stay
And give me your ears
Do not go away

For past years I have known you
In the morning, I arise with thoughts of you
By noon, I receive your sweet letters
And at evening, we get together and dance!
Your love is my entire life
And I will never know why you gave it to me

But what do I know?
And why am I so self important
Even for a second, I should never take my eyes off you.
Your love is my life in entirety

And I am raging mad at myself for hurting you
Now What?
You’re hurting because I’m hurting
Oh no do not do that!
Don’t give me another chance to hold on to you
Why do you love me so?
My love, your love transcends all that I have ever known
And mine is like a timid offspring tending towards growth

 

Each day I see love sparkling in your eyes
Each day you are willing to help me grow
Yet like a stray dog, I wander
Into the fields and I am a scattered grain
With a hammer I am knocked off by my own self
With a spear I am pierced till I’m almost lifeless

My skin is lotion smitten by the sun
And I tell myself I am now alive
Even when my eyes are tired from long days of flowing tears
I look at my feet shading at every corner and I almost cannot recognize them
I left luxury to know misery
I haven’t forgotten you
And after countless times I want you again

My life, but I am trapped
What I need is to be saved from my own self
I apologize, I need your help again
Now see why I’m happy that you are present now?

Thank you for being here my love
Thank you for making out time to see me
Thank you for bearing gifts wrapped in glorious colours
All for me

Thank you for putting a comb through my hair
And for helping me make a sandwich to eat till I’m filled
While I was away you still wrote me letters
This love is now sweeter because you get to read these letters for me
So I sit at your feet while you speak majestically
It’s awfully amazing a sight to behold
And to think I left this beauty for ashes

Now you’re here, giving me beauty for ashes
We are now together in our imperfect relationship
On blue days I try to hide my broken smile from you
Funny how I forget that you easily see through me
I don’t want to stress you, you know
I have done that for ages long
Now I feel like I owe you

But all you want to know is why I hurt
And all you want to do is wipe away my tears
You are more than enough for me
Still my thoughts aren’t far from the shrubs and earth in the field
How ridiculous can I be
I don’t want you to but I expect you to be mad at me
I’ve made a mess of myself
And I am so gripped with fear I begin to exit your presence
You are present but I am not right here

I’m not at the field either
I am not a stray dog today
I have now lost my emotions
I laugh at myself because I am now a joke
But I haven’t gone crazy yet

For now I am walking in circles
I left luxury for misery and now I leave misery for doom
Just because living amongst shrubs made me feel alive
I know that what I yearn for will soon become the end of me

What I do not know is why I still yearn for it
I look up to the Heavens
From there comes my love
And once again, He finds me
He has called me to share in His glory
In place of five stars, he now gives me ten
An entourage of gifts he bears
Each with my name on it
Then he excuses me a dance
Obviously I missed this – I missed all of it

And where I want to be is right here
Dancing with my whole life
At the heat of the dance, He whispers to me and I smile
Because what’s coming is better than what’s gone
I look at you my love and I am in awe of you
Unable to understand why you do the things that you do
Unable to absorb how great is the sound of your name
Because of you my sweet darling, I weep no more
Today the grass is once again green
You are Ever present ,Ever mighty,Forever Holy
You are God and God alone

 

✍️     Adaeze Osuji ⭐️

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