As a young baby girl I have always valued friendships, strong lasting ones. I place a lot of value in friendships, personality tests I took attested to this. I had a best friend in middle school, we shared everything together, and we had similar values. This is thirteen years after and we are no longer friends.
First year in high school, a girlfriend asked me to be her best friend but I declined I had a sense of loyalty to my best friend from middle school. That’s how much I value friendships.
Having friends to chill and hang with is an amazing thing no doubt. In high school, I had a clique of six friends we rolled together. Literally did everything together, we went out and in together, ate together, we’d meet under the tree after school having the times of our lives. At that point in my life, I’d choose my friends over my parents over and over, I placed them above everything. They understood me to a great extent, I thought. My parents were too aggressive, too spiritual, they were clueless of how to be a hip teenager.
I could laugh all day in school, have the most amazing time of my life in school but I’d get home and cry myself to sleep. In spite my many friends, there were certain voids, certain things I could not just explain that caused me deep hurt.
I relied a lot on my friends for validation, for comfort, for approval, for happiness… maybe because I’d do the same. I was always the listening ear, I’d listen to all their doubts and worries and I’d share my positivity with them.
One of the many incidence my friends had failed; I was very wrong to chew gum in class while the teacher taught us. The teacher out of anger or maybe she was telling the truth, she yelled at me and called me ugly. That was an embarrassing moment for me, my subconscious expected my friends to tell me after the class that the woman was wrong. I expected to hear something like Bimbo, do not dwell on what that woman said, you are beautiful. But nothing of that sort, came out from any of them, none of them even noticed when I escaped to the ladies to cry myself to comfort. It hurt, I cried, I cried and it hurt. My eyes were red and swollen, nobody still noticed, absolutely no one.
CREDIT:www.well-kids.co.uk
I know better now, I don’t need validation from anywhere because I am fearfully and wonderfully made-Psalm 139:14 . God took His time to carve me and everything He made is beautiful.
This went on like that even in the university, countless times I’d cry myself to sleep because I had put so much trust in somebody for my happiness and they had failed. Last year was the height it all, LOOL!
He is an amazing man, he was a shoulder for everyone on campus to cry and lean on. His shoulder was big enough for me to lean on and cry, so I let all guards down. My big shoulder friend decided he could not be there for me anymore. The feeling is not something I want to recap at the moment, but it wasn’t a good feeling at all, the depression lasted for months.
I got busy with myself, with the aim of creating distraction for myself, I encountered God.
My relationship with Him over the span of one year, I have learnt to just put all my trust and hope in God. I have made him my friend, He is the only one that understands me even before I speak.
Psalms 139:2~You know my sitting down and rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
Psalms 139:4~For there is no word on my tongue, But behold, O lord, You Know it altogether.
I understand that the way to speak to God is through prayers; this is how I handle sad depressing moments or helpless situations. I’ve learnt that I honestly cannot sway through life by myself, there are hard times, sad times, helpless times, and clueless times, in time past I’d call a friend up for counsel or comfort.
But sometimes, my friend can be in a vulnerable situation as well and cannot render any help.
I was going to tell you about how I breeze through such situations;
- I speak to myself;. When I start to get depressed or my mind seems to be fixed on a situation, I speak to myself to fix my gaze and focus on Jesus Christ, I remind myself of God’s word that He will be there with me all the way even if I pass through overwhelming flow of rivers and even if I am going through fire! ~ Isaiah 43:2
- I speak to God; I could break down in tears sometimes but I am speaking to my maker about what I am going through, sometimes I might be angry in my spirit either ways, I am channeling all to God. I just say it as I feel it, there really isn’t any special way to speak or pray to God, just talk to Him, pour it all out….. King David did a lot of speaking with God about the things he went through and God indeed was with him all the way.
- This I enjoy the most, when words fail me, I put on good music, Songs by Jesus culture, Hill song or Travis Greene does it for me. I can’t listen to any of these good songs, without singing along, I am speaking to God in songs, I am praising His name. God inhabits the praises of His children more so His friend. When I sing I invoke His presence and it is the most beautiful thing ever, it is an amazing feeling. The way I feel after an amazing time in God’s presence can’t be described by mere words, I tell you. I always feel a lot better
CREDIT: http://www.projectinspired.com
- Praying in the spirit-This usually happens after the presence of God has overwhelmed me, it just happens. Words in tongues, languages of the spirit begins to pour from my mouth. This always leaves my spirit refreshed, renewed. It’s always a good feeling. I also pray in tongues if I cannot listen to my songs, probably I am at work, I’d just go to the toilet and pray in tongues.
The immerse peace I feel every time I speak with God, words can’t quantify. I am so in love with my amazing friend who always always comes through.